Nurul Zafirah

esok first day of ramadhan.  Happy Fasting to all Muslims in the world. May Allah ease everything for us. I miss home like always. Just got phone called from abah mama. baru balik from pasar borong, called me wishing happy fasting. If only I'm home mesti dapat ikut sama :( beli barang2 prepare for fasting. tak dapat lah tarawih sama2. takpe chill, its only till 13 july ni je. even arif is at home, UIA dia terbakar, balik rumah. ciss unfair.

crybabies again. dear self, know this. you are so annoying when you do this to yourself. homesick, mohon beredar :'( things I wish I had now: -clean water -my family besides me -warm hug -my sisters -my favorite aunt -mama punya cooking -a shoulders for me to cry

good news is spreading everywhere. this morning shiro sangatlah manja, meow2 and siap baring atas tangan lagi while I'm sleeping and she do her exercises activity on my lap. so manja, I can't resist. and then right before we went out for library housemate bagitau that we already got cucu. SHIRO GAVE BIRTH. omg so excited. 4 cute kittens. no name yet. no wonderlah manja sangat, minta orang teman dia nak lahirkan anak rupaya. so adorable. I love her endlessly but still can't afford to do her the shower part. always been rau and say who did those stuff. I love her though. during nights. while scrolling and studying at the same time suddenly I stop at this one picture of a guy who looks exactly macam arwah abang hakim. though the last two years before he leave us we didn't talk that much. but I miss him. cause he's one of those person who has been there during my worst of time. yeah I really miss his advises and funny side of him and he singing for me and all those...

I laugh so hard remembering this. So here it goes, I dream of shiro(kucing) this afternoon. ceritanya, petang tadi we ate carbonara made by daniel. thanks to you I got my stomach full filling it with your handmade carbonara. not bad either. so, kenyang-kenyang plus pula cuaca kat luar punyalah panas, so my head got really sleepy that made me tertidur sampai after asar if I'm not mistaken. dalam tidur tu, I mimpi shiro. at that moment rau was playing games on ipod, and I was kinda interrupting her with the games. (sakat people was kinda part time job I guess) and then I saw shiro was playing on top of her clothes. you know how I am with her(cat). I jump at her and goes excited and then I played with her, but then suddenly she turned into black cat. I freak out lah apa lagi. terus bangun, and shuhhh shuhhh that cat dari bilik but it practically not making an inch of movement. then, I go by the door, open it and trying to get that cat attention. shiro was really mad when she look...

Why do I start thinking again. I wasn't supposed too. cause when I do, I'm not moving. I get sad which I'm not supposed to feel during my final weeks. Felt devastated of living it this way. and when people ask. it's painful to let a word slip. don't even know was it me, or was it something else. I'm not gonna blame anyone. trust me. basically it is just me and my head mixing everything up and got lost not finding a way back. I smile, yes I do. but then it hurts. pointless to even point someone else. nothing changes anyway. not in the meantime I predicted.

Its the final week of class. I can't think straight anymore. my life is a total mess. I don't sleep like normal people . I don't eat like normal people. I tend to get emotional. I cry a lot. I hate it when it happen. I don't know why you keep being on my mind. doesn't matter you remember me or not, I just kinda miss you. I need mama, if she's here, she would totally be my savior and  my sisters would be there soothing me at least. I can't live life this way. but works are never gonna settle at the moment. I'm all stressed. I haven't ate all day long. and It's already 10 pm. my stomach ache. I think gastric are approaching. At this age, being a cry babies suck. I don't wanna talk projects. It's hell. I even got one last project at this final week. I don't even get it how that happen. It just kinda happen and I don't wanna know why. I wish I can go through all this nice and steady. P/s: It'll be very nice if I have someone...

Why do I love you so much that it hurts :(