I need some strength

Dear Allah please give me some strength to do a blog revamped. A touch of new color here and there mighttt sparks some fire in my mood to write again. I need your help as always cause man this girl is always like this.

Too many past attachment here that I don't like to looked at. That dims my mood of writing. I don't know (angkat bahu, muka pasrah). Its not like an excuse or anything but its just to write something, it gotta flows like nature but 'it doesn't' get to me this past few months. 9 months to be precise. Tak tahu mana perginya. 
I've got so many post draft that I hesitate on posting for no reason. Simply just a 'naaahhh' and there it goes. stuck in the draft folder. Its like I don't want people to know what's going on with my life. Then this got to me, "was it really people? or you have some particulars?" lol why are you so difficult. Get ur guts together and just go, do 'you'. 
Remember you? Uh-hum that free spirit …

Perginya seorang sahabat

(Dengan nama allah yang maha pengasih lagi maha penyayang)

How do I begin.
Hati rasa sayu to wrote this up, but in shaa allah I will try.

The moment I wrote this, one of my good friend whom is dear to me and so is to everyone else, has already return to Allah s.w.t. kerana sesungguhnya dari dia kita datang dan kepada dia jugalah kita kembali.

Buat arwah, Shahrul Redzuan bin Saifuzzaman.
Dengan rasa rendah hati I hope whoever that manage to read this, will take a moment dan sedekahkan al-fatihah buat arwah shah before I continue some more.

Siapa sangka perginya dia seorang sahabat dalam usia yang begitu muda, siapa sangka dia yang kita jumpa hampir setiap hari kini sudah tiada. hari ini dah cukup dua hari shah di sana. Shah, kami doakan semoga kau sentiasa dalam perlindungan allah.

Bila teringat nama mesti terbayangkan muka shah. how do I tell you about arwah shah? but one thing that I can definitely tell is, aku tak pernah rasa tak senang dengan shah…

Expectations everywhere. Get Over It.

It is always so tiring and frustrating to live up to someone else's expectations and because I don't really care of what people think of me despite of who I am, I decided to go by my own way. people can say I'm traditional but as I said I just don't care.

let people talk, let people say, they can judge, I will allow, cause they don't know who I am, how I am or even how I was born and raised. They saw only what I choose to portray. And because of that too, I believe that I have the responsibility to portray good things, just because I trust that everybody is potential enough on influencing other people. So I say lets go do good.

If you think you're not pretty enough. I tell you what, there will always be someone out there that is prettier than the person you thought is already pretty. To think of it, actually it goes in circle. so my question is, until when are you gonna look into the mirror and think you are not yet pretty enough. It won&#…


I am so into kitchen like SOOOOOO into? I don't even know where to begin,,,

let see. I have been dreaming about having my own kitchen. my very own personal since I learn how to cook or even bake. I love cooking I really do. I love being there on my own. but the thing is I don't have my own kitchen. I live with my parents, so its their kitchen not mine. and there is a big difference about it.

Having your own K (kitchen) means, you have your own money, means you can have whatever you want to have in your K, literally anything cause its your money, means you can cook as you pleased, like "man do you get me?" Its feels like your soul is free to whatever happiness means. please get the picture.


Living on your parents K means its their money. THEIRS. when its theirs, you don't have the full control of whats in the K. this is upsetting. you can only cook what they bought, okay sometimes they allow you to have what you want to get but not every time …

The song

I have been crazy in love with this song called "aspyn's song". the lyrics is amazing and the rhythm, I could say no more. It is so nice. 
I came across this song because I've been following this aspyn and parker vlog. and this song is actually wrote by their friend which is also the original singer named alex. This song is so nice. 
just hear it out and you're gonna love it. btw, If I would have dedicate this song to someone, it will be you. and you know who you are. I've been thinking about you all the time that I play this song. and I keep listening to it. 

Secrets. How I handle em'

Assalamualaikum, Hi.

everyone has their own secrets right? who doesn't?

I am a secretive person. I kept it down below. yes that's who I am.
But its not like I don't tell anything at all. I have principle in the secrets I kept.

such as:

-If its humiliating. anyone. I repeat "anyone" (friends, fam's, enemy, etc) then I  won't tell.
because you represents others. not just yourselves, (that! you have to remember my friend). if you humiliate people. you eventually humiliating yourself in the process. so lets cut it. lives a little healthy.

-When people ask me to kept theirs.
you know what? you always have something that you wanted to share. cause you're human. and that is perfectly normal. so if people ask for your help, consider yourself lucky. cause you're trustworthy. so don't go behind and break it. lives with pride on. honesty is always the best policy.

-When I try not to breaks anyones heart because of myself.
THIS! this is honestly a very dange…

Random I guess?

I think my head always kinda have amazing things going around but not so good when it comes to expressing it in a good structured way. either literally nor verbally. but yes i tried to, and only after trying so hard- a piece of writing is all I got. so yes I'm more to literal than verbal.

kadang-kadang kan this feeling of not able to express verbally kinda make me say things like this on my head:
-kan bagus kalau dia boleh baca fikiran aku.
-kan bagus kalau dia boleh nampak how my fantasy works like in here "brain".
(I always thought ridiculously)

yet of course I only wish for this at certain occurrences in my life. takdelah sampai boleh baca semua benda every second. bahaya. tapi kan on a quick reminder, my lecturer once said that "fantasy does not make reality on its own" jadi kita lah yang kena turns it into reality, who else's will? right?

actually dah of topics.


come again, I had amazing thing on head, but not good at expressing it in a good st…